Caring is a total Snoozefest

When did it become hip to care about things? I guess a lot of that crap dates back to the 60’s. But it somehow seems worse in the last few years. Is it my generation, or maybe my age? And is it really wrong that I find so much of it irritating?

hahaha, awesome. <3 Chicago

I remember when I was on Campus one time a girl handed me a flyer. Thinking back, I can’t believe I didn’t know then to be leery of someone with a flyer.  She explained in some scripted way that a march would be taking place in protest of the Catholic Church’s stance on contraceptives.  The word ‘march’ was a definite turn-off, but I listened on since I didn’t fully realize what was happening to me.  Anyway, the idea of being against contraceptives is bad, considering that might help create people like the one standing in front of me, so at the moment I was tricked into believing that she had a point.  I gave her some sort of entranced response of ‘go on’, except not really ‘go on’ because who says that besides characters in a play setting up a big punch line?

She explained that in an act of protest of what turned out to be something the pope said, the group planned to march to some big church in the city, carrying a cross covered in condoms.  I hope I asked her “Are you fucking serious?” But I think all I did was scrunch up my face and throw out the flyer so she could see me do it. When I crumpled it up I think I did it real angry though, and maybe I missed the trash can on the first try, but who can remember for sure?

The fact that a bunch of white people in some way desecrating a religious symbol of ANY OTHER RELGION would have been considered ‘totally ignorant  and offensive’ by this same person wasn’t even the most annoying part. It was that in no way were they actually working to change anything.  They were just kicking up shit and freaking out squares, and I’m pretty sure anyone who actually participated in this march spent little time thinking about the issue at hand and instead thought about their awesome weird clothes and hair and how all the church people would be like “Woah! Kids today!”

He has a lot of opinions, but he smells

I swear I’m not bitter, I actually like when people believe in things.  It’s kind of endearing and reminds me of me before I started hating everything. The problem is most people believe in spreading the word on their own awesomeness.  ‘Look at how great I am for knowing about things in the world that are wrong that you’re too ignorant to understand.  I’m not lazy like you because I help people by talking about them, and taking no further action.’  If all you want to do is talk about how great you are all the time, why thinly veil it with a cause you don’t actually do anything about? Try something productive, like making sure there are really attractive photos of you on facebook so people will make complimentary comments like “super cute!” and “damn gurl, you look fine!”  Or start writing a blog!

And none of this is to say that opinions, awareness, and discussion are bad things. The self-importance is where it gets annoying, unless it’s mine, because I am important, period.  Also, I looked into it, and all my opinions are the right ones as it turns out.

So please, don’t feel the need to educate me about starving children in some country I never heard of. You’re running the risk of temporarily affecting my appetite, and you don’t know, I might have just ordered a pizza! Don’t talk to me about modern-day sexism, because I really don’t want to start taking out the garbage.  And before you speak out for some oppressed group, ask yourself, what have they done for me lately?

I felt bad when I threw that bag of Cheetos out the window, but where were you when I needed a ride to the airport?

March to your own bag-piper

It’s a very special time of year for Irish-Americans. We have an excuse to do Irish Car Bombs, sway and sing Pogues songs off-key , and eat a shit-ton of Corned beef and Cabbage. But since 2010, the celebration has felt a little emptier.



 

YELLING



Two years ago, I lost something important to me, a very special day, the South Side Irish Parade.  Sure the parade overall was pretty crappy, and it seemed like most anyone could be in it.  But that’s not the point, It combined two of my favorite things, public drunkenness and yelling. So much yelling.  And I guess I could get those things at say, a professional sporting event or perhaps the Bud Billiken parade…but would they have the charm and warmth of the South Side?

 Over the years, I continued to celebrate parade day. When we got a little bigger we thought it was funny to mess with the drunk people, and probably it was.  But it wasn’t until my teen years that I could appreciate what I had always referred to as ‘the best day of the year’.  When I think about a 19-year-old me engaging in tug of war over a bucket of beer with a cop, I have to wonder, will I ever do that again? 

IRISH RILEY!



It was after the parade of March 2009 that the committee announced they weren’t planning on holding a 2010 edition. Saying “the event had become too large for the community to accommodate and the difficulty in policing such a large crowd while maintaining the dignity of the event.” And maybe that was true. Sure there was public urination, and vomiting, and fighting. And Ok, maybe I was even guilty of a couple of those things. And I guess I can’t fault them when I think of how out of hand it had become.



Night before Parade 2009



But who among us is above a holiday that celebrates drinking early in the morning? By the way, if that doesn’t sound great to you, try walking to a parade in the cold with a hangover.  I can’t believe I can never do that again on a Sunday morning without being accused of being an alcoholic.

Anyway, I hope this teaches us all to cherish whatever traditions we have, and to celebrate hard. Because you never know when a bunch of stupid north-siders will show up on a bus and act like retards and ruin everything.



Cherish these moments



RIP Parade Day